Animated World: Drawn In TG - Last Part

Animated World: Drawn In - Last Part


I did try on the jean jacket before I left and, had my wallet not been aching so much and the day been a colder one, I would've considered it. It was also unisex enough I didn't find it intimidating.

Setting it back in place, I scanned for Allison. She was trying on a few shades which didn't look right on her. Her indifferent expressions suggested she agreed. I approached her with a wave and she smiled back at me.

She asked me how I was. I took a moment with that. I didn't want to deluge her, so I just told her, with a sigh, "Holding up."

When I asked her how she was doing, she fiddled with a pair of shades and told me, "I feel bad bringing it up after all you've gone through…" I stopped and assured her it was fine.

She continued, "It's…I just wish I had a sense of what comes next. Candace has given me some good advice but I keep worrying it will get worse with my family. I don't think they hate me. But there have been moments which really scare me. I was thinking maybe if I got shades to wear home then maybe it'll help if they don't see my big eyes as much…" She pushed the shades aside and I grimaced a bit.

I leaned forward and told her, "You said this felt right before."

She nodded but not with enthusiasm. "Yeah but what if I'm wrong? I dunno. Mom was talking about mind control stuff and deprogramming from TV." I had an inkling of what she meant. More conspiracy theories about animation and that the reason people accepted becoming strange, animated beings so readily was due to mind control. The sources were various depending on who or what the amorphous bad thing of the week was but the supposed solution was fly-by-night-style deprogramming "clinics" to "set right" those who had been altered. I really hoped that wasn't Allison's future.

Thinking back to what Cordelia had said about a sleepover, I put forth that idea to Allison on a whim. I really didn't want her to dive back into that kind of worry right away, that kind of loneliness. She wiggled her mouth line a bit in indecision but then said, "If it's okay with Candace…"

Immediately, from behind me, I heard Candace exclaim, "Of course it is. I was thinking of asking her anyway." Naturally, Allison said she'd need to phone her parents. In the meanwhile, I prodded Candace for sneaking up on us and listening in. She flashed her color blob of tongue and asked, "Well? Finished yet?"

I must've given her an obvious mouth line sign because she dialed back her mood from hyper Candace to a more subdued version when I reacted to her question. I told her as much as I was willing, "I don't know what's going on with me. Honestly. I'm kinda between." I could feel the probably obvious blush color on my cheeks at that admission.

Candace's expression stilled and she slowly put her arms around me. The disconcerting part was how easily she enveloped me with her embrace. She told me, "You are you as I am me. And I know it'll be alright. You've got me. You've got mom and dad. You've got everyone always whether you're a cute art boy or a cute art girl or a talking horse or whatever. I told Allison this and I'm gonna tell you this too but…if you dare use it against me, I will make your life the most adorable hell you can imagine." She gave me a quick, piercing glare with those stony eyes. I nodded and held out my hands in submission.

She continued, "I was absolutely lost when I changed. I was confused. I was worried. I was disappointed and angry. All at once. All the incredible possibilities and I turn into someone's mediocre drawing of me. And I didn't get to be some sort of changeling to pick all sorts of things? I called bull on the whole thing."

I frowned and recalled all her exuberance and don't-care attitude. She smirked at me. "Well that's me, isn't it? And it is. But I was also disappointing to me. Maybe I was less than I thought I was. I had no clue. But I kept up and I thought about it. And I came to realize I liked all the wild and exuberant possibilities more than I liked being them. In the end, I am me and I realized the drawing me, my face, was my face. Actually, a bit better than I could draw myself but it was there. I shared this with mom too."

I asked her why she hadn't mentioned it before. She leaned back and told me, "Because I knew you'd need it when or if it happened to you too."

I stood there staring for a long moment till Candace gave me a beep on the nose and a smirk. She flipped out her phone and said, "If Allison's parents say staying over is okay then we have a decision to make."

It was the decision hanging over most of the afternoon. How exactly would we get home? Dad had a driver's license (but mom did not) and we did have the old van for transporting mom's works to exhibitions. It ran but only had the driver's seat and there was a small hole towards the back where mom's flaming, performance art of "horrible fonts" ignited prematurely. Allison apparently took the bus a few miles from her house to get to the mall. And then there was the option I could just drive us all home as carefully as possible and hope my shock-pink hair wouldn't prompt the police to pull me over.

Officially, the licenses of the recently animated fall within laws describing "contingent transitional circumstances of identity", becoming an issue of official bureaucracy. Still, I could run into a cop on a bad day, even if the chances were remote.

I clenched my hair in my hands. I still really wished I could put it somewhere else. There was too much of it. I tossed it aside, which only put a lot of it down my front. I sighed. Candace wiggled her phone a bit.

Allison returned with news that she'd gotten grudging permission for a sleepover, mainly because her parents didn't know anything about our parents. For the issue of the drive home, I really didn't have any ideal choices. So I just made one and said, "I'll drive us home but I need to hide my hair."

Candace actually found a nice, dark hat which hid enough of my hair on the top and, for the spill-over, she put one of her cardigans she'd bought over my shoulders. There was a flash of pink but it looked more like I had a weird bit of pink outfit peeking out. I still looked like an animated girl but one not quite so boldly colored.

I wore the outfit back through the mall to where we were parked. The crowd had grown a bit from earlier with a few more animated persons. I noticed a sisterly-looking pair with classical blond curls which looked like parts of a painting from the back.

Fortunately, I wasn't as singled out by the crowds. However, we were the only animated group of more than two, so that alone brought at least first glances. My arms were tired by the time we made it to the car. I managed to arrange all of Candace's purchases in the back. Allison's buys took up a lesser portion and mine took up the least.

Allison and Candace took the back seat and looked at little things on their phones as I settled in and started up the car. I took the roads around the mall slowly. Too slowly really. I got passed with a honk by an impatient driver.

The main roads were busier than earlier but not as bad as a weekday. I signaled patiently and looked warily for the tell-tale grayish-green Crown Victoria forms of the county cops. Seeing none, I merged onto the road.

I spent several uneventful minutes that way before I got a quick scare of a car which looked similar to a cop pass on my left. I took the shortest route even though it was the busiest.

It looked like I wouldn't even see a cop. Then I stopped at a residential stop sign near home and looked to my right. A cop stopped right next to me. The window on the driver's side rolled down and a head with bright blue hair and brilliant ruby eyes peered out at me. His head was topped by a pair of velvety cat ears. They were just cosmetic but I knew from what I'd read they were probably physically attached to his head.

The officer was in his full, green uniform. He looked at me like a stern pretty boy out of an anime. I tried a faint smile and turned my attention back to the road. I checked the intersection and glanced back.

The cop had receded into his window, the glass went up, and he made a right. With relief, I drove the rest of the way home and finally settled back into the seat when I set the parking brake.   

Candace, who had been quiet aside from a few whispers with Allison about her phone, bolted out of her seat, retrieved all the bags, and nearly grabbed me by the scruff of the neck as one more thing to bring in.

She nudged me on my toes and propelled me to the front door and inside. She didn't stop until I stood in the living room. Only mom was present, with a sketchbook in her hands. She slowly looked up with those big, green eyes. I offered a faint wave and said, "Hi, mom."

Dad joined her a moment later and sat down on the couch beside her. I added, "Hi, dad", at that.

Perhaps not the most uncomfortable moment of my life (I had plenty I could choose from) but I still wanted to run from the room. Candace stepped to my side and put an arm on my shoulder before saying, "This is my big/little/ brother/sister Kenny!"

And that was enough to break the tension. Mom went first. Her eyes widened even more. She murmured something like, "I had no idea". There were fast words about what Candace had said over the phone exchanged between mom and dad. Dad eyed me curiously. I worried I might see a knife feeling of betrayal in his gaze but dad had never been a manly man and that had especially been so after he'd been animated. He was the first to start crying and leapt at me with a big hug. Mom followed swiftly after. Candace made sure the bewildered Allison was part of the group hug too.

Once the chaos of that moment settled down, the inevitable questions came. I could see Candace wanted to jump in with all her regular exuberance but I glared at her and she took a step back.

I responded, "Well, after what I called about, I just kept changing more and more. And I don't know why I'm this way."

Mom frowned and asked, "Do you think it's…finished, Kenny? And are you…" She put on a dusting of red and folded her hands a bit. I certainly felt about the same but I had no idea, so I excused myself to check things out properly.

I noticed when I left that the tension eased a little. Candace presented Allison and all that she had bought. Of course, there were words about overspending but Candace already launched into her explanations about how everything she'd bought was actually a "vital" purchase.

I could shut off all that for a few moments as I closed the door. It had been a little like this each time. Candace's (apparent) positive mood helped things but there was so much unknown. With mom and dad, they had each other. For me, I had them all but I wasn't quite going through the same thing they did. If I'd become the typical handsome boy then dad could give pointers. If I'd just become some animated version of me then at least I had myself to cling to.

Looking in the mirror I saw a pretty, flat-chested girl. Candace had ditched my hat and reclaimed her cardigan so my hair blasted brightly even if I turned the main light off to let the night-light show. With it on, it bounced a pastel flash which made me clench my eyes a little. And my eyes. Those brilliant blue orbs. I actually kinda liked them.

I wondered over the combo of pink and blue with all the rest as I slipped off my clothes. I checked the small clock over the toilet. Thinking back to the time when I'd first seen the spot on my hand, I realized I was pretty close to the longest-observed conversion if it was still ongoing. Even those who had post-animation shifts or who became changlings saw signs in the last few hours.

With that in mind, I undressed and set my clothes aside. I used the big mirror to get a better view. Looking straight down, I felt a flash of emotions. First sight, my chest rose a little more. It wasn't much but it did shift a little and feel different than I was used to. Also, though I wasn't sure why, I had this sense like it didn't have any higher aspirations, certainly not to challenge Parker.

Then, I looked lower and the back of my neck prickled. I couldn't see anything down lower. It took some effort but I eventually found something left. At the same time, it felt different. There was some subtle caving and formation but that was it. Otherwise, it felt like my groin had been mashed inwards. I found I could pee in the normal way as it popped out a little when I went. It was simpler sitting down but I found it a small victory that I could manage standing without a terrible mess.

Of course, all victories felt small as I looked in the mirror. I looked at the mirror and questioned it. I pinched and tugged at my cheek. It pulled out like a painter's brush smearing a color. And it hurt.

I rubbed at my face until a reddish tint emerged. Putting my clothes back on, I settled into the dry tub and leaned my head back against the rim.

What if I was one of those few percent who didn't accept their change, who didn't want it, who didn't have their animated image at heart? I shut my eyes until I heard soft knocking on the door. Mom's voice.

"Are you alright, sweetie?"

I answered her quickly that I just needed some time. She offered whatever I needed and added, "We're all here for you. It's just a surprise. We love you always and no matter what."

I slumped down in the tub a bit more to look up at the ceiling. The pink hair clustered around my face, of course. But I didn't feel irritated enough to contort myself to brush it away.

I wanted right then to glower at my "inner self", imagining it as a traitorous imp. It could've shown me as a girl like Parker. Although, I never felt her boldness. But at least I could've gotten that over with and least decided "okay, I'm a girl now and here it is, all out there". And if it wanted to show me as Candace's shy little sister or something it at least could've finished the job. What good was I as this halfway mess?

I sulked for a while, to the point where I knew that it wasn't really fair to block the bathroom so long. I ventured out and was going to hide in my room but Candace was camped out and expecting me. My status update disappointed her as much as me but was relayed swiftly. Then I hid.

I plopped down on my bed and tried to find the same position as the tub. I could imagine I was leaning back in invisible water, afloat on my back. I clenched my cheeks a little. I could remember how the water would lap at the sides, pushing to get inside my mouth. They tried to teach me how to float on my back but I knew it was just a way to try to get me to the deep end of the pool.

I imagined my legs dipping down in the water. I imagined them not touching bottom. I could feel the water lapping at my mouth. I kept it closed. I tried to raise my head like they said. Hands behind my head and flat for more resistance with chest up. I arched a bit in bed.

I was going to drown. Wasn't I? My legs kept dipping lower and lower. But I was bobbing. Just my imagination. Or had that happened. Maybe before I panicked. Maybe I'd actually floated and never realized it. I thought myself back in that moment. I knew there was no real water, so there was not the same fear.

Leaning on my back, I began to shift, I bent forwards and tried to paddle at the water like they told us. I tried one of the strokes. I was definitely better than I remembered. I swam with my eyes closed, I moved by touch. The water was warm by the long boil of the summer sun but still cool as my arms flicked through the air.

Suddenly, I stopped. I realized I was paddling in the water. My legs were kicking against it. I wasn't touching bottom. I opened my eyes and looked down. On top of my pale blue sheets, I rested.

I took a breath. Okay. Who was I then if I wasn't who I expected? I examined my hands. With the light of my room, they had a muddled pink coloration ranging to melon in shadow. I touched them together. It was different touch, different shape, length, and everything. I twisted them in the lamp's light. I swung them a bit.

I poked and prodded myself all over but understanding eluded me. I tried a more objective perspective. I could be somehow intersexed in at least a certain psychological way. Maybe some part of my analytic nature had divorced me from a clear division of gender. That didn't explain how much the girlish physical parts were winning over the gender neutral ones. Perhaps, I subconsciously wanted to better understand my sister's nature and, despite my aversion to a lot of the things she was interested in, I craved to feel closer to her. So why didn't I become the ideal sister?

Could it be that I was ambivalent? Maybe I contained some part which didn't mind a feminine aspect but my male ego still wanted to hold on? Then some part of me went and (mentally) kicked me with a thought.

I had always tried to be sure. To know as much as possible. To seek to understand and analyze. Could it be my inner self was something of a jokester and wanted to give me the ultimate quandary to puzzle and seek for the rest of my life? It was already working. There was a creeping ache passing across the side of my head, so let it go for the moment and rested.
  
I was sure I hadn't rested for long before I heard what was clearly Candace's knock on my door. Her knocks never changed.

She'd come to invite me to a clothing try-on, a movie, an impromtu book club, hair braiding, first makeup practice (I glared a little at that), photos with parents, dinner with parents, a call to/plans with Parker, a sketch with mom, a talk with dad, board games with everyone, along with random assorted ideas to make Allison as happy and smiling as possible (but not necessarily in that exact order).

I could easily recall young Candace planning her mastery of every swimming move as well as becoming girl Neptune of the Seas and a gigantic monster to terrorize all mankind. If anyone was everything in one breath, surely they were my sister. So what about me?

Any normal day I'd wave off her animated chaos and I'd settle into my relative normalcy. But I gave her a roll of my eyes, deep blue of the distant seas, and said, "One of those first but okay…"

So she seized me and hauled me out of the room face first.

There would be tomorrow and a school full of uncertainties in strangers and friends. There would be the rest of my life and questions about how I saw myself and how the rest of the world saw me.

But, on a waning Sunday evening, there was my sister's hand wrapped around mine, dragging me into the deep end of possibilities unknown, and I didn't feel afraid.