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Mecchen House - Chapter 15

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Chapter 15 – The Blossoms of Mecchen House

And I certainly didn’t feel alone when I returned to the barely-contained ruckus inside Mecchen. Two voices vaulted over one another, climbing higher and higher.

We slipped our shoes off by the front door and peered around the corner at the cause of all the commotion. A lightning-bolt of yellow nearly toppled Jamie.

It was Tara.

She clung to Jamie’s chest and said, “Are you okay, Jamie-kun? I was worried about you. I missed you. I didn’t want someone to take you like they took Mildred!”

She had mentioned that name once before and said it was from a ‘TV show’.

I asked her, “What happened to Mildred? Why did ‘they’ take her?”

She kept clinging to Jamie but turned to face me. “She was sick and she had to sleep for a very long time. But she was special, so they put her in a treasure box.”

That sounded rather morbid. Again, I had to remind myself that Tara was a teenager, even though she had the presence of a child.

Jamie gave her a careful smile and said, “I’ll be okay. There’s just a lot of stuff for me to work through and figure out. For now, I could use some better-fitting clothes.” He fluttered them a bit.

She beamed at him and clung as he searched through the clothing boxes. Ms. Ishida came by to help. Miki and Nathan were over in the kitchen. He was already arranging meals on plates and she was soaking a pan.

Nathan said, “Breakfast will be ready in just a minute, will you go tell everyone?” He had a pleasant apron on.

I nodded and went down the hall. Sumi and Reiko’s rooms were both open. I went into Sumi’s room first. She had on headphones. A pounding melody was playing, and I could just hear the lyrics through the headphones. A female crooner spoke like she was moaning.

I gave a quick cough, and Sumi turned. I tugged on my pants to keep them from slipping. She turned down the song.

“Breakfast is ready,” I told her. I looked around her room.

It wasn’t far from what I expected. Countless girlish figures covered the shelf space. I couldn’t tell if they were from shows or just presentations of ‘real’ girls. As Sumi alluded to, they were attired in removable clothing ranging from maids’ outfits to skimpy bikinis which seemed on the verge of falling off. The walls were decorated with what looked like photographs. In some of them, two or more girls were holding each other close. None of them were too risqué, but the room made me feel nervous.

I noticed a bit of filming equipment and cooking tools off to the side, as well as a few scattered books on the floor. She had a nice bed though it was not quite big enough for two.

She crossed her legs. “Is that so? Thank you for telling me.”

I gave a careful nod back and took a few steps towards the door. She rose and was beside me before I could retreat further. She took a long sniff and let out a slow, satisfied breath.

“You have the aroma of cherries. It’s a very pleasant aroma, especially in this season. And I can tell you’ll be in full bloom soon.”

I set my face. “Listen. We are not here for your pleasure. We are here to find our way back home.”

She slipped back a little. “My apologies. I didn’t mean to offend. There are some things which are just so… captivating for me. But any beauty I drink in, I promise to give back twice as much.” Her fingers curled.

I bowed my head and left. Her eyes lingered after me.

Reiko was crouched over a desk. I heard a soft sniffle as though from a cold.

Her room was the most diverse of any of the rooms I’d seen in Mecchen. She had a scant few of figures like Sumi’s and Katsumi’s rooms did, but they were posed in even more seductive ways. Anime black and white photos were clustered in an area of the room.

None of them looked particularly memorable. She had a laptop on a desk, but it was closed and looked rather dusty along the sides. Posters on her walls seemed to follow no particular theme. Some looked dark and morbid with strange ciphers, and others were bright landscapes with flowing hills.

Her cooking implements were clustered together into one pot which overflowed with them like metallic spaghetti. A couple of professional cameras were set together in a row on one desk with sheets of music nearby. Dresses poked out of her closet.

The most conspicuous items in the room, aside from her enormous bed with blue covers, were a long bow set against the wall with its string beside it and a tower of notebooks in one pile. No one trait seemed to stand out in her room. Part of it was organized, and part of it was haphazard. And none of the features pointed to a single, defining attribute.

She sniffled again and rummaged through a stack of envelopes. They looked used.

I scuffed the carpet.

Her neck dashed to the side. She turned around to face me.

“Why are you in here?”

“I came to tell you breakfast is ready.”

“Alright. I know. Now leave.”

The area around her light-blue eyes looked rough.

“If there’s anything I can do to help…”

“There isn’t. Leave before I throw you out the door.”

There were plenty of nasty things I could say, but instead I bowed and said, “May you have a wonderful day. Take care.” I tried to keep sarcasm out of my voice. Part of me wanted to nip at her, but I restrained the urge.

I expected her to fuss like Katsumi or bite back like when Jamie was in a poor mood. Instead, she just looked at me and asked, “Why did you say that?”

“Because I want that to be so.”

“Why do you care? What does it matter to you if my day is terrible or worse? Why should ‘take care’ have any meaning to me?”

She certainly wasn’t making it easy for me to say something nice.

“Because I wanted to be friendly to you. I’m sorry if it wasn’t helpful.”

Reiko stood. “Friendly? What do you want from me in return?”

“Nothing.” Actually, I wouldn’t have minded some information from her about the key mysteries of this place, but I figured it was a bad time for that.

“You want absolutely nothing? Not that you were gonna get anything for that trite, over-sentimental expression.”

“I just wanted to wish you well.”

Her hair was drawn tight on both sides. She loosened it a little.

“You’re pathetic. Your words can’t possibly change my day, and you can’t take them back.”

“So be it, and I wouldn’t want to take them back.”

She looked at me from head-to-toe. “I’ll be at breakfast in a few minutes. And I have nothing more to say.”

I nodded and took this opportunity to leave. I felt relieved when I was back in the hall. I doubted any of that made an impression on Reiko, but it was my best effort.

I climbed the steps. Their smell and warmth had risen like slow-baking cookies. I checked Ami’s room with a light tap. I heard some groaning. I opened the door a little and peered through. It was well-lit.

Ami was sleeping in the same place and position as yesterday. She didn’t look very comfortable. I saw the progress we had made last night was completely eroded away. The floor was buried again. I kicked at a bit of trash out of spite.

“Ami. It’s time for breakfast.”

She groaned again and said a rough, “Be there soon…”

She rolled a bit, but went back to snoring after a few moments.

I stepped into the room. I hoisted up a mound of trash and moved it aside. I grabbed a small trashcan which was lying on its side and started stuffing items into it.

Ami’s bleary eyes opened wide, and she rolled to her feet. Her mouth hung in shock. “WHAT ARE YOU DOING?!”

I looked right at her. I felt bad doing this, but I knew, if I really cared for her, I had to do something. “Today, we are going to clean this room so it will never be like this again. The state of this room is sucking the life out of you. You can’t move in it. You can’t live in it. If we don’t do something, then you’re going become a part of it, just another inanimate object doing and achieving nothing.”

She whimpered. “No! Please. I thought we were friends. Don’t do this to me. I can’t do it all at once. It’s too much. If I just leave it alone, I can manage it. It’s okay. I can deal with it. It’s too early to dig through all this anyway.”

I stared right at her. “It’s too early. It’s too late. It’s not the right time. It’s too much. You can’t keep going to excuses. I will clean this room today, for your sake. And I am your friend.”

She wrapped around the junk I’d moved. “I need time. There’s a lot of important things in here. I need to sift through it. Please give me time. It’s my room anyway! I can do whatever I want with it.”

I shook my head. “It’s Ms. Ishida’s room, and you’re only renting. Please Ami. This is important.”

Her face was stern and tight. “It may be her room, but it’s my stuff. I will protect them. I won’t go to school today if you try to just throw it all out. I’ll stay here and guard it.”

“It’s just stuff.”

“It’s not! Every object is special. It has a unique identity. It has a life. Everything that’s thrown away hurts when it’s lost. I’d fight for you, I’d protect you from being disrupted and hurt. Why won’t you fight for what I protect?”

I couldn’t make sense of why she was so attached to these material objects. Most of it didn’t seem to have any particular value. And those which did, like clothes and books, should just be put away. Why did she cling so closely to these things?

She trembled and looked right at me. I bowed my head. “I’m sorry. I just want to help you. Things can’t stay as they are. We have to do something.”

After a few long breaths, she said, “I appreciate that. But I can’t just throw it all away so easily. I promise to make an effort to change and I’ll let you help, with my supervision but… I just need some time first. Please.”

I nodded. “I’ll see you down at breakfast.”

She let her grip on the junk ease and smiled at me. She offered a nervous laugh. “Well. I guess I’m awake now. Sorry for freaking out. I’ll see you in a few.”

I walked out of the room, wondering if I’d done the right thing.

After one more set of pleasant steps, I came to the closed-door trio of Nana, Katsumi, and Mami. I opted to go with Nana first, since I’d talked to her not so long ago.

I was actually able to find her without much trouble. She was seated at the table with a series of cords and the headpiece set beside her. I made my way to the other side of the table and told her, “Breakfast is ready downstairs.”

She looked up at me. “I see. Thank you.”
I turned to leave. A bit of cool air played against my ear. I turned back to look at Nana. Her attention was on a tangle of cords which had taken on the form of a snake coiled in upon itself.

“Nana?”

“Yes?”

“I just wanted you to know I would go after you if you left or were ‘gone’. I didn’t quite tell you that before. I just… wanted you to assure of that.”

She bowed her head. “I understand.” She pulled at the circle and made it straight and orderly.

Since I’d left Katsumi on less-than-ideal terms, I figured it would be less painful to rouse Mami first.

I gave two short knocks. A moment later, Mami peered half an eye out the door.

“Breakfast?”

“Breakfast.”

“Thanks…” She shut the door.

That sure went quickly.

I turned around to face Katsumi’s door. I knocked the same way. Twice. Finally, on the third try, she slid the door open. She still had on her sleeping clothes from before.

“Got something more to say?”

“Just here to tell you about breakfast.”

“Did you cook it?”

“No, it was Tara and Miki.”

“Ah. Well, I’ll be down in a few.”

She began to shut the door but I leaned forward and wedged in. “I’m sorry. I know there are certain things you care for. I don’t understand them, but I know they’re important to you. It still really disturbs me that my face doesn’t look anything like it should. But, since it’s not really my face, I guess I can let you play with it a little. To a certain extent.” I felt a little light-headed. I leaned against the wall for a second and recollected my footing.

Katsumi opening the door again was a positive sign, but then she rushed away. When she returned, I saw a camera flash twice. I blinked. No after-images, at least.

She stepped closer. She was taller than me. By a good deal. Measuring it out in my head, I had to be as tall as Nana now. My pant legs were on the floor, and my sleeves clustered around my fingertips. Nathan was the tallest of us again.

Katsumi was very pleased as she looked me up and down. “You’re in luck. I have some old clothes of mine which should fit you just right.”

I suspected they would be a little more girlish than what I’d been wearing up to this point.

I was right.

She laid the clothes across her arm with a grin. She held a top and a pair of small jeans. The top had a modest, triangular neckline. It was orange and ringed on the edges by white and purple stripes. The jeans were definitely girl jeans, but they at least had pockets on the front but no zipper.

I looked at Katsumi. She smiled. “I figure, this way, I can lure you into a false sense of security before I lay something ultra-feminine on you when your breasts fill in.”

I shivered a bit at that comment but accepted the clothes. They fit very well. I didn’t look long in the mirror, but I definitely looked like a young girl who hadn’t started developing yet. Katsumi chuckled. “I think you look very nice. Now it’s time for me to get dressed as well. See ya at breakfast.”

She ushered me out of the room but with something approaching her form of gentleness.

At least my duty was done and I received some nice clothes out of it.

I hopped back down the steps to the ground floor just in time to see the last of the plates set on the table. Only the third-floor girls were absent from the table.

Sumi was the first to notice my changes in attire and height, though I tried not to draw attention to myself.

“You’re quite the petite one now. Like a younger Katsumi. Come sit and let me get a real good look at you.”

I declined her offer and sat next to Jamie and Nathan, who were both slightly taller than me. I felt like such a kid at the adult table. Sumi still watched me though, with her hand resting on her chin and her richly-toned eyes focused right at me.

In my attention to Sumi, I didn’t notice until I looked over that Reiko was watching me as well. She was dressed in her school uniform already, the only one at the table so attired. Ms. Ishida set out the last of the food and plates with Nathan and Jamie’s help. Reiko looked over at Jamie. Jamie stared back and passed a plate to Reiko. She took the plate with a stiff motion but said nothing.

Ami gave me a look and said, “You sure shrank a lot. When did that happen?”

“When I went to Katsumi’s door.”

“Figures…”

Ms. Ishida sat and smiled around. After giving humble thanks, we ate. Nathan looked around at everyone eating. I smiled back at him, and he looked glad. Miki and Tara both gave him big smiles.

Miki told me, as Katsumi walked in wearing some loose and light, “Nice clothes.”

Katsumi smirked and gave a dramatic, “Well thank you.”

“I was talking about what Kelly is wearing.”

“I know. See… those are my clothes are well. I picked them out.”

“In that case, you showed an incredible amount of restraint. I didn’t know you had it in you.”

Katsumi narrowed her eyes. “I am not completely-obsessed with all things frilly and feminine.”

“Right, just making sure every boy in the vicinity is clad in such things.”

“Point?” She folded her arms and smacked her way onto the nearest chair.

“Just stating a fact. To review. You go on a spaz-out the moment they show up. You call that whole meeting of the House to get everyone to vote. You lose. You get them to agree to dress up pretty for you. You soften them up a lot and glue things onto them. You get your way in everything and yet, are you happy?”

“Of course not.”

“Why?”

“What is this even about? I’m not happy because none of this most recent stuff is my doing. I have my standards about boys turning into girls. They’re taking too long, and the changes are blink-and-you-miss-them. I saw this one shrink in front of my door and it was like a sudden edit. Where’s the art in it? It’s a mechanical process.”

“You’d do it over?”

Katsumi laid her hands across the table. “I’d do it right. It’s like Nina told me once…”

“Your friend the so-called ‘demoness’, Nina?” Miki dipped into a bit of her egg.

Katsumi poked her fingernails into the table. “The one you all met. But as she said, it’s all about potentials. You three have the potential to be perfect little girls. Or blinking beauties. Or anything else…”

Miki chimed in again with, “That’s all you could come up with? Wow, are you losing your touch?”

I had to wonder if one of Miki’s sports was teasing Katsumi.

Katsumi’s fist closed on the table. “Point is plenty of potentials. But all this just feels like a machine trying to reproduce something. It annoys me. It’s one of the several things that annoy me…”

Miki grinned a bit. “Do tell…”

Katsumi didn’t elaborate but simply said, “And yet, I don’t complain about the end result. But I could do it a lot better than these changes. I’d do it like a painting. If I ever meet the person or thing responsible for changing you three, then I’d give them a lesson or two in how to do it right.” A bit of air fluttered past my cheek.

Sumi smiled. “I love when you get fired up, muffin. And what’s that lovely smell I detect on you?”

Katsumi’s squirmed a bit in her seat. “Nothing. Just something new I was trying. Herbal soap stuff.”

Mami showed up at that moment, her flaming hair a set of damp embers, and held a box up to show. “Need I ask whose box for ‘Massive Melons - Bust Enhancement Soap’ this is?” She looked right at Katsumi, whose eyes were wide and face the brightest shade of red. Sumi giggled and Jamie smirked.  

Katsumi flailed at Mami. “Gimme! That’s for… someone I know.”

Mami chuckled, playing keep-away. “Oh please. Don’t even bother trying that excuse. When someone throws stuff away and it’s embarrassing, they should be careful not to leave it on the top where it can easily be found.”

“Green shorts!”

“Broken record.”

“Don’t think I won’t use the green shorts.”

“We already talked about this. That one is too good for you to give up, and you know it. But I’m willing to be fair. You buy me lunch in class today, something with seafood, and I’ll give you this.”

“Deal!” She grabbed for the box. Mami still kept it away.

“You’ll get it back after lunch.”

“You told everyone here that it was mine.”

She smiled. “Nope. You just did. I merely implied it could be.”

Katsumi had her arms at her sides and balled up in disgust. “Grr. You better give it to me at lunch, and if you show it to anyone in or around class then the deal is off!”

I had to wonder how often something like this happened. I asked Ms. Ishida quietly, but Katsumi caught me asking and said, “Too often!”

Ms. Ishida gave a nervous smile and offered a gentle, “It’s not unusual…”

Mami flattened the box and tucked it in a pocket. She looked around the table. Her eyes lingered on me. Her mouth dropped open a moment later.

“…You shrunk. Are you trying to change when I don’t have a camera around?”

Katsumi folded her arms. “I got a photo soon after.”

“Cool. But I was taking them with the intent to sell them to you. So I guess this happened a little while ago? …and I’d recognize that shirt anywhere.”

“Yeah. It’s Katsumi’s.” Jamie looked me over and so did Tara.

She smiled. “I have tons of clothes you can wear, Keli-kun. I have some outfits near your size. I even have a great Juri-chan outfit for you!” I gave her a smile in return and said, “It’ll be nice to have a variety of choices for clothes.”

She spun her chopsticks in her hands. “Yay! Clothes sharing between girls!”

Mami grinned at Katsumi. “I can’t believe you didn’t make him wear a blouse and skirt. Amazing amount of restraint.”

“Yeah, yeah, yeah… you better give me that box back after lunch.” She sat back down and pierced at her food with her chopsticks.

Jamie showed remarkable improvement with chopstick handling. Nathan was the best though. His hands moved precisely from one item to the next. He didn’t eat too much. Jamie’s mouth was puffed up with food like a chipmunk. He rubbed at his pen-mark nose and then slowly swallowed. Miki looked concerned.

She asked Nathan, “You okay? I have some soy sauce if you’d like a little flavoring. It’s really good with it.”

Nathan drew the plate close again. “Oh! I’m so sorry. I just… I guess my stomach is smaller, and it takes less to fill me up now.”

Jamie said, after finally swallowing that load in his mouth, “Mine feels like it’s bigger than ever.”

I teased him, “You always ate a ton of food.”

He shrugged and sipped his juice, but I saw a subtle smirk on his face.

Katsumi nibbled, closed her mouth between bites, and glared at Mami. “You know I could use ‘green shorts’ if I really wanted to. At the very least I could use the part involving the geyser, right?”

Mami shook her head. “If you use any part of that bit of blackmail, then it’s all invalidated.”

“But no one would know any of the other parts… why not?”

“It’s just the principle of it.”

“That stinks.” Katsumi chewed carefully and sipped often.

Reiko finished up and turned to Ms. Ishida. “I have an early club meeting so I’m leaving soon. If you want me to pick up any groceries after class, please tell me now, Ms. Ishida.”

She smiled back at Reiko. “I had a few items I needed, but I figured maybe our guests could help out with that later.” She looked to us.

Reiko nodded. “They should be of some use, beyond eating and making noise.” She glared at Jamie, who swallowed another large portion of egg and looked back.

Her gaze shifted to me and, for a moment, Nathan. “But at least some have shown themselves not to be utterly worthless.”

Jamie hid a sneer behind a sip from his cup. Sumi gave a wave to Reiko which resembled playing piano keys in the air. She bowed back.

Sumi added an off-hand comment, before she left, “You look very pretty with your hair down, like you had it last night.”

Reiko fingered the tie in her hair which held half of it tight and the other half loose. She didn’t look back as she left. Sumi stretched her neck and sighed. She downed her glass of juice and looked to Katsumi. “Now, marshmallow, let me tell you, you’re a soft treat no matter how you are up-top. You’re like the perfect spicy tofu, no matter what. You hear?”

Katsumi hid her face. “Umm… I’m not sure.”

She leaned closer to Katsumi. “Aww, lollipop. If you’re not careful, then I’ll have to remind you just how beautiful you are.” She winked and laid her arms across the table. Katsumi, after cutting into her omelet a little, said a soft, “I guess.”

I sipped at my juice. It tasted like a blend of fruits. I looked down at it. It looked like liquid paint and yet I didn’t even notice when I drank it. Of course, the omelet also just looked like a specially-drawn, yellow circle with brown flourishes. It tasted just as pleasant as the juice. Even the white static of rice had a nice flavor. I kept it separate from the natto, but it did go nicely with the pickled cabbage.

Tara asked if anyone wanted a refill of juice. Jamie rocked his empty glass while chewing.

As she refilled it, Ami asked me, “Did you tell your friends what I told you?”

Nathan and Jamie both looked at me and I asked her, trying, “About… your room?”

“That I’d like to be around when you tear apart my room again. So I’d prefer you all waited ‘till I got back from class.”

Ms. Ishida added, “And you’re tired… and you have another excuse not to do it.”

Ami sighed. “It’s difficult. The objects in that room have a life to them.”

Jamie frowned. “It’s called mold.”

“I mean the objects themselves. They have an existence. There’s a living spirit in every object.”

I’d heard of that philosophy before, but Jamie looked incredulous.

Ms. Ishida sighed. “But you and them would be so much better off if they were organized. You’re not doing a service to them if you leave things in such a state. Please Ami.” Ami drooped a bit but bowed her head.

“Alright. You can organize things, but you can’t throw anything away until I can sift through it.” That sounded like telling someone to shape the sea into a tower with just a bucket and make it stay.

Jamie muttered a soft, “Oh joy…” as he finished the last of his rice.

Nana joined us a moment later. She was dressed in an oversized, gray nightshirt which reached to her knees and had bunny faces on the sides. Her hair looked a little damp but drier than Mami’s hair. What struck me though was, because we were now roughly the same height and body shape, I would look just as cute in the same nightshirt. I also had to wonder where she got such an outfit and why she chose to wear it right now, but the image of me in that adorable getup vibrated through my thoughts.

I felt a strange shiver down my back. When it passed, I didn’t feel any different, at first. The air seemed to curl around me intimately like someone was passing a pocket-fan around my body. I tried to grab at where it seemed to be. Jamie looked at me funny.

I flashed a smile, sat up in my chair, and set my legs together.

That didn’t feel right at all. I knew what it meant but I couldn’t move. I sat there till Jamie leaned forward and waved a hand in front of my eyes. Nathan noticed next and gave me a pat on the shoulder. I rocked a little.

I’d never had a fear of castration, but I’d never thought about it seriously.

It took a good minute for me to realize everyone was looking at me.

The words finally came out of my mouth like a broadcast on a distant PA, “I think… I’m a girl now.”

Ms. Ishida leaned forward with a concerned look. “You mean…”

“I mean. I feel weird.” My brain felt like it had to go in long loops to form words. I took a deep breath and tried to stand.

I spread my legs and gripped the chair to stabilize myself before standing. Something opened up like an awakening flower. My underwear felt loose and stretched in all the wrong places. That same something felt the seams along the cloth in an exposed band. I blushed as I stood. I felt like everyone could tell something had changed in me, as though I had a wound sliced into my front and all my insides were showing.

Ms. Ishida came over to support me. I looked at her and she rubbed my shoulder. She uttered a soft, “Let’s go sit you on the couch.”

She took my hand and walked me carefully around the table. I couldn’t look at Nathan and Jamie but I could tell their eyes were on me. All eyes were on me. I felt hot and embarrassed.

She led me carefully to the hallway-facing couch and asked, “Would you like me to sit with you?”

I gave a careful nod. Things were quiet and still here, but I could hear some murmuring from the kitchen. I still felt warm with embarrassment.

Ms. Ishida clutched and rubbed my hand. She asked, with a slow, reassuring tone, “Would you like some tea? A warm pad?”

Though both sounded nice, I told her in a soft tone, “I’d just like you here for a little bit.” The sound felt more like my voice saying it.

She nodded and put one arm around my shoulder. I sat there, trying to make sense of it all. When I was asleep, I knew my visage in the mirror. Though warped by art style and pretty-boy gentleness, it still looked recognizably like the face I could always remember. And back then, despite shrinking, my hair and eyes changing, and softness spreading over my body, I still felt like myself.

Now, my every expression seemed like a foreign body language, and these girls spoke it. It was like a female language. My roommates didn’t know it yet. But knew they would soon. In that language, Ms. Ishida and I were two young women sitting together, one comforting the other.

I struggled with these thoughts as Reiko emerged from the down the hall with a book bag over her shoulder and her hair clenched tight into a ponytail. She gave me a look. Ms. Ishida left her caress of my hand for just a moment to wave and wish her a good day of class. Reiko paused to look at me, then bowed her head to Ms. Ishida, and left.

That was the most excitement for several minutes. There wasn’t much to do but sit there and think. Ms. Ishida seemed content to just sit with me. When we first met, she was, I’d estimated, four inches shorter than me and now I seemed to be that much shorter than her. My mind lingered on things like that. I curled a bit of shirt with the fingers on my free hand.  

What was I expected to do? Yell out and cry again? Break something else? Feelings seemed to flow inside me like a sea at night. One surged up like a wave. I now shared the same gender as every girl I’d met, seen, or imagined. I was in a house for girls. A house for those like me. Sure, I looked even less developed than Katsumi. But, where it counted, I was a girl.

The uncharted expanse of a dark and mysterious landscape lay before me, all the while co-existing so near to me. I could feel no familiar landmarks to clutch. Even my odor seemed different. Sumi had mentioned cherries but, as I inhaled through my nose, the fragrance was layered. Some of it could have been Ms. Ishida, but I felt an intimate sense of a girl almost right on top of me. She wasn’t a distinctive girl. She only had a faint odor of soap and yet there was something fresh about her. I’d caught hints of this scent before, but it was like an incomplete picture finally filling in.

And that image would be mine.

Ms. Ishida reminded me again of my mother. The sight of her was still strangely hazy but every sensation of Ms. Ishida seemed to evoke her presence. I had no idea what I would ever say to my mom about all this. That was assuming I could make sense of all this and find a way home. If I stayed a girl in my home universe, no one would know me.

My hair would probably be a lighter, more realistic shade of red, and my eyes would be a good deal smaller.

I’d walk up the steps of my parent’s house. I knew the general shape of it. Fresh grass, an oscillating sprinkler, a white picket fence. and a large knocker on the door.

I’d knock twice, and a warm face would peer through the screen door, wiping her hands with a towel and wearing a large, pink apron and a caring smile. It’d take a few moments for me to tell her my name. She’d look perplexed but concerned. I’d tell her something only I’d remember. Which wasn’t much at this point, but I’d still tell her it.

Then I’d say, “Hi mom. You have a daughter instead of a son.” Or I’d say something similar. But the word ‘daughter’ would be there.

I would be her daughter.

That sent a shiver through me which echoed back all the new sensations. Ms. Ishida seemed to feel it. She started to rock me gently with her arm.

“It’ll be okay,” she told me. I hoped my real mom would hold me just like this. One more little shiver passed and I finally spoke, “It’s all just so much. Who or what am I now? What do I do?”

She just listened and rubbed at my shoulder and hand. Miki and Tara walked over from the hall. Both offered sympathetic smiles. We were all girls. I curled my legs a little, which didn’t help at all.

Miki said, “Your other friend insisted on clearing the table. But he said he’ll be over in a little bit along with Nathan. He wanted to put the leftovers away.”

Tara tipped left and right and looked me over. “Keli-kun! What happened? Please be okay! I’m scared…”

Ms. Ishida offered her reassurances of my health, and I nodded my head as best I could. So far as telling her what happened, I brushed my legs together and told her, “Well. It feels like I’m a girl now. In a critical place.”

It still felt so distant to hear that in words. Tara looked at me curiously. I had to figure she had some understanding of boys and girls. It just took her a moment before her eyes went wide and she said, “Oh wow! You’re girl now, Keli-kun?”

I gave a little nod. She rushed over, wrapped her arms around my mid-section, and said, “You’re just like us now, Keli-chan! We’re gonna have so much fun! Aww, but you’re flatter than even Katsumi.”

I blushed and said a soft, “Well, we’ll see. It’s probably not over yet.” I wasn’t thinking that far ahead yet, but it was sure to come as well before long.

Tara looked up at me and said, “I know you’ll be very pretty! And I gotta teach you the secret handshake for all girls. I hope Jamie-kun gets to learn it soon too!”

The other girls started making their way over here. Sumi and Mami came over first and sat in the other couch. Sumi gave me a look as she passed by which made me blush. Mami crossed her legs and asked, “So what happened?”

Tara slipped to the other side of me and chimed in, “Keli-kun is Keli-chan. She has girl parts now.”

Mami leaned forward, and Sumi traced her mouth-line with a finger. Miki stood off to the side with her arms folded. Ami, Nana, and Katsumi came over next. Katsumi whispered over to Miki, who whispered something back. Then Katsumi looked at me.

I just wanted to be invisible. This was too much attention for me. Ami and Nana stood still next to one another. The group gave off a warm murmur of curiosity. Ms. Ishida leaned over my ear and asked, “Would you like me to ask the others to leave, or would you like to go somewhere quieter?”

I took a calming breath. I appreciated that she asked and said a soft, “I think I’ll be okay.” Tara leaned in and said, “You’ll be okay, right, Keli-chan?” I gave her a little nod.

Ami moved closer and asked, “What happened?”

Before Tara could give the details again, I tried the words, “I’m essentially a girl now.” It felt as strange as ever to say, but at least it felt like I was actually the one saying those words.

Sumi smirked. “Well? Let’s see it then, girlie.”

I turned bright red and said, “I’m not going to show that. No way.”

She traced her leg with her fingers, “Ah, feminine modesty. How quaint. Reminds me of Miss Luscious.” Katsumi turned away as Sumi glanced at her.

Mami set her arms at her sides. “Wow. You’re gonna need some panties, right? Fortunately, I offer fair prices for that and other feminine accessories.”

“There’s plenty of unisex clothes I can wear. It’s not that different.” I called upon boxer shorts primarily. Katsumi came forward.

“You are a girl! Face it. If you’ve changed how you claim, then you’re one of us. I would’ve put you into dresses before, but now they’ve absolutely meant for you.” I felt the Katsumi energy of before in full force.

Ami swung on the other side. “He’s just been pushed deeper into an illusion. Kelly has every right to any style of clothing, no matter his gender. I would gladly lend my every resource to clothe him as he wishes.” I felt relieved there was no lingering ill-feeling in Ami’s words about what happened in her room.

Nana found a seat and watched me from a far side of the room.

Katsumi returned the comment as though she were batting back a tennis serve. “An illusion? The only one holding onto an illusion is yourself. Look at the changes that have happened, not only to this one but those other two as well. I made a promise that I would see their manhood decimated and replaced with soft girlhood, and while I didn’t cause it, I fully approve of the result. I just wish I had some better pictures of the process. They can try to dress in manly outfits all they like, it won’t ever change or escape what their bodies have become.”

Ami clenched her fists. “I hate you! You go around saying who or what people can be like it’s you who decides everything. Well, it’s not. You’re just a weak little pretender. You’re all talk. And I hope you’re happy, because our friends are suffering while you consider it a game. I still think you’re somehow responsible for all this.”

Katsumi glared back and said, “You’re over-righteous and flat-minded. You can’t bear the idea of boys ever becoming girls, because you’re selfish. If I did this, it would be all over for every single man. And this is not a game, this is my lifeblood. You’re the one who just talks. I was fair to you. Who listened to you the most when you felt alone in the cold months?”

Ami lifted a hand up. “Ms. Ishida, followed closely by Miki.” Miki leaned her head back against a wall. Ami and Katsumi traded nasty looks ‘till Jamie and Nathan showed up with clueless looks on their faces.

Sumi was the next to speak, watching both of them. “Well, have you two plopped down your pachinkos yet?”

Nathan and Jamie looked at each other but only Jamie asked, “Huh?”

“The red, passion flower,” said Sumi with a sly look.

“Am I missing something?”

“That’s what everyone wants to know…” She chuckled and leaned on her hand.

Tara jumped up and hugged Jamie. “Jamie-kun! Keli-kun is Keli-chan!”

I expected the blank, confused look on Jamie’s face.

It took Tara explaining, “Keli-chan is a girl now… you know where,” for the light to turn on in Jamie’s eyes. Nathan covered his mouth with his hands.

His first words to me were, “Are you sure?”

“I’m not certain but… it sure seems like it.”

“You have to check. Come on. We’ll go find out.” He gestured for me to stand to up. I stared at his small, open palm. Despite all appearances, I knew he was still a boy. I wasn’t sure if it was feminine modesty as Sumi said but, right at the moment, I felt more comfortable with Ms. Ishida than anyone else. I shook my head and said, “I’d like Ms. Ishida to go with me.”

She gave my hand another gentle touch and nodded. “You’ll need some help getting up.” Tara scooted away a little to give me space. Jamie turned his head. Katsumi and Ami killed each other with their eyes, and Miki rolled hers as she passed them by and offered to help.

I didn’t mind the aid, and Miki stood in front, just in case, as I got to my feet. Ms. Ishida led me alone to the restroom on the other side of the dining room. She stopped before I entered and asked, “Will you be alright… with the mirror and everything?”

I promised her I wouldn’t break it, no matter what I saw. She latched the door behind us. The sink mirror was too high for my purposes, but it was good enough for me to check my face. My glasses were huge across my eyes and completely covered them. The features on my body were so tiny. I carefully slipped off the girl-jeans Katsumi had given me. Even looking through my crinkled underwear, I could tell something had happened. Only the springy waistband fit, the rest looked like a folded drape. I slipped them off with a sigh and held up my shirt.

I bent over and stood with my legs apart. Any microscopic chance of compression was long gone. The slightest glimpse of pink, flowering flesh made me blush, like being caught watching something naughty. But it also looked so beautiful, like a tentative first blossom of spring. It hid again with a motion of my legs.

Ms. Ishida brushed my shoulder and, for some reason, I asked her, “Does it look normal?” She reassured me it looked fine, for a girl. But she said if I wanted to, “I can recommend a very nice doctor to make sure.”

I wasn’t nearly ready for that, but I thanked her for the concern. She offered to find a pair of underwear which would fit me better than what I had been wearing. I nodded and held the jeans in front of me. She carefully slipped out the door.

I got a satisfying ‘crack’ from stretching my neck and watched the image in the mirror. I gave a frown, and the anime girl frowned back with comical exaggeration. I grinned, and the girl had a higher-than-a-kite expression of joy. I gave an angry look at the mirror which looked anything but intimidating on her features. I tried to look surprised with a wide ‘O’ of a mouth. So innocent… I pulled at my face, and let my tongue hang out like a colorful little bud. I lost it when I saw that.

I laughed.

I felt pulled into a sweet torrent of giggles flowing over and over. They were my giggles. I felt them surging out of my chest. I leaned against the wall for support.

The door swung open. Ms. Ishida rushed in with a handful of underwear clutched tight to her. I assured her I was fine with an embarrassed smile. She returned the gesture and offered the selection to me.

I flipped through them. Most were a soft gray to white, with little bows on the front. One was blue with sheep. Another was satiny, very tiny, fringed with lace, flowers on the material and bows where the material narrowed. One looked like a bikini bottom. I looked to Ms. Ishida. She bowed with a sweat-drop look and offered, “My apologies. I just grabbed in what I thought was your size.”

The tiny ones and ones held together with bows were right out. They looked too complex. I was left with an assortment of functional briefs. My eyes settled on the softest-looking one. Holding it in front of me, I knew it would be a good fit.

The only wrinkle was they were a very feminine shade of pink. But I gave them a try. I set the jeans aside and carefully stepped into the underwear. They were stretchy so I’d be fine even if my hips really spread out. The material didn’t irritate anything sensitive either.

I turned to look at myself. Ms. Ishida gave a pleasant clap and smiled. I gave the leftovers back to her. I watched myself again. I was wearing pink panties that fit me well.

I’d never felt more like a girl in all my life, not even when Katsumi glued breasts to me. A bit of air circled around me.

I slipped my jeans back on and turned around in front of the mirror. It looked like an anime girl posing.

I was that girl.

Sure, I was flat on top and had narrow hips, but there were enough little hints that no one would ever mistake me for a man. And they would be dead right.

I looked at the face in the mirror. The girl’s face. My face. And my body. Somehow, this was my reality now. I took a deep breath. I still felt anxiety. Not even Ms. Ishida’s presence could completely overcome that. I’d have to deal with the fact everything had shifted. All the ideas, all the social features, all the perceptions that applied to women, now also applied to me.

I took a few deep breaths before I was ready to leave. Jamie and Nathan were lingering nearby. Jamie laid his palms out, encouraging me tell him the details. I managed a confirming nod but turned away in embarrassment. They were still boys, and I felt a strange gulf between them and myself. They were the other gender.

Jamie grabbed my shoulder. My head jerked around. I saw him as an incomplete work. I would fix him and make him right.

I blinked.

I had no idea where that thought came from. I bowed my head to him and Nathan and said, “I’m sorry. This all very disorienting. I’m not sure how I’m supposed to be now.”

Jamie looked right at me. “Be you.”

“And I’m not sure how I’m supposed to be with you guys.”

He shrugged. “I dunno. But I consider you my friend.”

Nathan nodded. “I’ll always be a friend to both of you, no matter what.” Jamie gestured with a hand to Nathan and nodded as well.

I appreciated that. I didn’t know why it should be such a big deal. It wasn’t like either of my friends were going to be male for much longer with the way things were headed.

I needed to focus on what could resolve this and restore us. The books. Ami’s room. Carolyn, Shioriko, or Nina? The recipe. What Hitomi or Nana might be able to find out with our help?

Half the girls had left the living room area. Just Katsumi, Sumi, and Tara remained. Tara said Miki had to get dressed for something relating to sports, Mami was bored, and Ami stormed off after a few choice words with Katsumi.

The remaining girls had to leave soon as well, but Katsumi wanted to make sure she didn’t miss any further changes by rushing off. Tara wanted to make sure I was safe and Sumi had a seductive look on her face. Katsumi had her same camera aimed at me and took a photo without a flash.  I shivered, bowed my head, and told them, “It’s confirmed. I’m a girl.”

Sumi smirked. “What kind of underwear did you change into?”

I didn’t give her the satisfaction of blushing because of that. I just said, “Ones that fit a lot better.”

“I bet they’re pretty. Probably pink.”

I knew she couldn’t see through my pants. Still, I put the couch between myself and her. Tara rushed near to me and grabbed my hand. She uttered a soft, “Shh…” and looked around. She pulled me behind the couch, crouched on the floor, and then darted up to grab the cushions. She formed a little fort. I hadn’t played in forts in as long as I could remember. But then it’d been a long time since I’d been this small. We both fit in the little fort like two young kids.

She blew through her mouth. “Oooooo… the wind is right outside. It’s cold. Fortunately, we’re safe in here. No one knows we’re here.”

Except for everyone who was listening to and probably hearing us through the cushions. I played along. “Yeah, it’s really chilly out there. But why did you bring me way out here?”

“For something very important.”

She lowered her voice to a careful whisper and said, in a hushed voice, “You gotta promise super swear not to tell anyone the secret girl handshake. If you tell then you will be cursed to have eternal wedges!”

I figured she meant wedgies, but either sounded painful. I could see Tara, but not very well. I could see her better than I would’ve expected. It was almost as though she gave off a subtle glow. Probably my wide eyes again.

She pulled what looked like a pen light from her pocket and laid it on the ground. I could see everything now. The air was rather stagnant under the cushions but, with the pen-light, it felt like we were in a whole other world. Her face looked artistically-shaded.

I agreed to her terms and she smiled. “Okay. We’re ready. Now do just like I do.”

Tara pointed the two fingers at her eyes in a kind of Marine ‘watch’ motion and pulled her hand back and lower into a clench. She pointed back to her eye with one finger on the side. I mimicked her that far. It seemed pretty simple. Not a lot of hand-shaking though.

Then she held her hands up facing one another sideways and waved them back and forth like a pair of leaves fluttering to the ground. One hand came up and crossed her face like swan. I was lost, unsure if I was supposed to interact with her in some way, but I copied the motions as best as I could.

She brought a thumbs-up to the tip of her nose and dropped it to her chin. I got lost in the right motion, but she wound up holding it sideways, the tips of her thumbs meeting.

I understood her next gesture as she padded her chest with the flat of her palm. She leaned forward and held out her pointer finger. She then jousted with mine one way, then the other, and held onto my finger. She bent close and kissed it.

There was no way I’d ever be able to do all that again to tell it to anyone. I had to wonder if she would even remember it in ten minutes. She smiled and gave me a hug.

I tumbled backwards and plopped out of the fort into the fresh air of the living room. Tara helped me up and smiled.

“Now you’re a totally-official girl! You’ll receive the Girl magazine in six to eight weeks!”

I looked over at Jamie and Nathan, who were standing nearby with strange looks on their faces. Sumi smiled and pressed a nail against her chin. Ms. Ishida was back, with her apron on. I helped her put the cushions back where they belonged. Sumi slipped around me from behind and brushed my shoulder. “You feel warm. You started sweating a little under there. You smell so very nice.”

I turned from her hand. I did feel a little damp from being under there. I scooted away. Tara grabbed my hand. “I have so many pretty things for you to try out. You gotta come try them. You’re a girl now so you gotta act like it!” She giggled and tugged at me.

Katsumi looked pleased with that.

Nathan looked at me. His hair fluttered a little. His eyes went wide. I thought for a moment something else had happened to me. Then he started to scuttle carefully around the floor. Jamie inspected him. Ms. Ishida seemed to realize what had happened before the rest of us. She held Nathan’s hand.

She asked, “Would you like me to sit with you for a little while?”

I could just imagine all the waves of thoughts going through Nathan. I wondered if she thought the same things I did. Jamie seemed to have figured out what had happened from the lonely look in his eyes. He turned away to clench his arms and glare at a wall with movies set below a row of books.

Katsumi wasn’t pleased at all. She sliced a finger through the air at Jamie. “Grrr. I missed two of three.” She snapped a photo of Nathan, before he showed her a bewildered look. She took another of Jamie, who didn’t bother to turn.

“Now at least I have proof that you three were girls, no matter what.”

Jamie huffed.

Sumi lurked around a little longer as Ms. Ishida spoke with Nathan. With a slow bow, she said, “Well. It’s been fun but I look forward to the final results. I wish the three of you… very soft, warm futures.”

Mami came down the hall, in her uniform, as Sumi was leaving. Sumi grabbed her hand. Mami didn’t seem surprised as Sumi stroked her hand like petting a kitten. Pussy sneaked into the hall and curled around Sumi’s legs. She meowed for attention.

Sumi whispered something to Mami, who nodded and said, “I still have them. Do you want them? It’ll cost you.” Sumi nodded back and asked, “The usual price?”

“Of course.”

My brain was not in the mood for another mystery on top of the tottering pile I had set before me.

Sumi picked up Pussy and scratched her furry neck. Mami, book bag over her shoulder, smiled and waved before leaving out the front door. Nathan clung near to me. Tara kept close too.

Katsumi sliced through the air with a finger. “At the very least, you both need severe training in how to be proper ladies. If you don’t follow the rules of girls, then you’ll be forced to be the girliest girls the world has ever seen. Perpetually! You’ll learn so much about being female that you won’t be able to think a single masculine thought ever again! I’ll make sure when I get home that you all get a proper instruction! But ‘till then, I trust Ms. Ishida and Tara to do what they can in my place.”

Tara saluted and Ms. Ishida bowed a bit. Nathan shrunk away with a shy, red face. Katsumi’s eyes dug into Jamie and he returned the look with an apathetic shrug. She walked off with a pounding stride who sounded loud even for her.

I wished I could do something for Jamie, but I felt like this would just take time. I had to focus on Nathan right now. But, before that, I slipped a bookmark out of one of the books on the floor and read over the same, strange words as I’d read yesterday. I didn’t know if it would help me any, but I had to work on it and see what I could find while sorting Ami’s room the way I promised her I would. I kept the bookmark in my pocket.

Tara gestured for me to follow her to her room and Nathan stood on the other side. I knew Nathan needed me more right then. I told Tara I would be up later.

She looked at Nathan and smiled, “Okay, Keli-chan! I just want us to have lots fun before I have to leave you. I want to make you feel so super-great that you won’t frown or feel bad for a single moment today! Jamie-kun and Nathan-chan too! I want to cheer you all up lots and lots! But it’s alright. We’ll have tons of fun later to balance it all out.”

She really seemed unbeatable in her spirit. Her words held no hidden note of concern. She spoke as she felt. I couldn’t help but smile when she was near. She skipped around and waved. “I’ll see soooon, Keli-chan! Can I call you Arisu-chan, like Katsumi named you?”

I gulped. I wasn’t quite ready for that. I told her, “We’ll see.”

“Yay! I love pretty names!” She waved to all of us in turn, which garnered a quick, sympathetic look from Jamie.

She bounced her way along the floorboards, barely making a sound as she went, moving at twice Katsumi’s speed.

Ms. Ishida asked if Jamie was alright. He shrugged. She gave a sweat-drop look and led Nathan over to the same bathroom I’d used.

Nathan looked so girlish as she moved. She let me enter the bathroom first and crouched when she entered. Once the door was closed, she scooted over to the mirror. She looked at the image staring back at her and held her arms to one another in front of her slender form.

She removed her pants and boxers with a single motion. The boxers actually looked like a decent fit on her body. She saw the same, awakened blossom I had seen. She squeezed it back a little, clutching her legs, red flowering across her features. I could sense her throbbing, quick heartbeat from where I stood. Nathan looked to me as though she expected me to say something in way of confirmation or denial.

I told her, “You’re a girl.”

She huddled close around herself, and when she finally spoke, she asked, “I’m like my mother?”

“Yes. You’re just like your mother now. And I know she’d smile if she saw you.”

The words weren’t really much stronger than what I’d used when we were in Ms. Ishida’s room but things had changed. They seemed to flow into Nathan. There were less points of denial now. Still, he said a soft, “I don’t deserve this. But if is to be, then I will do my best for my mother and all women. I don’t claim to be one. I just want to help.”

Ms. Ishida comforted her like she comforted me. Nathan began to tremble like I had. Ms. Ishida steadied her. It felt strange to watch her and know I’d been in the same position, just as female. I still was in the same position. That notion renewed all the sensations.

I offered to get a selection of clothes for Nathan. She blushed back at me and said softly, “I don’t… I don’t mind any types… if you find something nice for this body.”

I smiled back at her. I had a feeling Nathan might be wearing a skirt before too long. And it was still a possibility for me.

I slipped out and looked over the clothes. Miki came out of her room, fully-prepared for class. She hustled and almost didn’t see me. She paused and waved. I told her, “Nathan is a girl now, too.”

Her eyes widened. “Really? Is she okay?”

“Ms. Ishida is tending to her.”

“Very good. Hmm… I feel bad about leaving so quickly.” Miki shouted a quick, “Bye Nathan! I hope you have an awesome day!” She didn’t get much of a reply. She turned to me, gave me a playful pat, and said, “You take care of her, alright?”

I assured her I would and she rushed off. But before she left, she turned to say, “Oh and could you check on Ami? She seemed pretty upset when Katsumi and her had their thing and… I dunno. Probably nothing but I just got a weird vibe when I had to grab something from the second floor a minute ago. Her door was locked and she wasn’t responding. I would’ve kept trying, but I am gonna be so late if I don’t catch the next train. Bye!” And she was gone.

I looked up at the ceiling. For a moment, I thought I saw an unnatural shadow spreading in the cracks above me. But then I really had no idea what would be unnatural in this place.

I passed Jamie on the way. He didn’t notice me. I climbed the still-sweet steps and lost the lingering wind again. I realized what awaited me behind Ami’s door. I just wasn’t sure if I was ready to face it again.

The door wasn’t locked for me. I took a long breath. It was complete black inside.

Tara’s door was closed behind me.

I clenched my fists and stepped through the threshold. I made my way over the hidden hills on the floor. Even the glow of the hall seemed eaten up inside.

Ami wasn’t in the far corner. I could hear her sobbing. She was over by the closet. I could sense her hugging the clothes around her.

She whimpered, “I want to go back. I can’t take it anymore. I don’t want to hurt. It hurts. I don’t want to hurt. I want to be normal again.” It was her voice. Then came another voice from her lips. It wasn’t her words.

“You are worthless. Give in. Give up your humanity and you won’t suffer ever again. It’s what you want. It’s what you are. You were never meant for humanity. It was a mistake your mother made.”

I knew what Nina meant. Something was hooked into Ami. I could sense it, like a leech sucking on her and giving off a nauseating cloud of dust.

I felt prickly and angry near it. It rubbed me like a raw sore. Something inside me burned and yearned to attack. I felt like a flame on the verge of igniting.

Then I felt something else. It turned. Despite the dark, I could ‘see’ the features of a presence around Ami. I recognized it.

I had seen it before.

I knew its name.
Transitional chapter. Less happy times are coming, sadly.

I tried to describe and put into a conscious, artful, and compelling fashion as possible the change that happens to the characters now.

All rights reserved by myself. Do not repost this without my permission. I heartily approve of fan art though.

This is a long story and the collective work of so many to get it right. So much has gone into this that I'm hesitant to post it but I need to put it out there. That said, I think I'll probably rewrite it eventually.

Tell me what you think.

I have never been to Japan. I did a lot of research to remedy this but I eventually found a plot reason why this place isn't a perfect replica of Japan...which helped. Forgive my flaws *bows*. I hope and pray my story ultimately does honor to a country I deeply respect.

At this point, the foreshadowing and the hints are laid on thick.

First - Prologue - [link]
Chapter 1 - [link]
Chapter 2 - [link]
Chapter 3 - [link]
Chapter 4 - [link]
Chapter 5 - [link]
Chapter 6 - [link]
Chapter 7 - [link]
Chapter 8 - [link]
Chapter 9 (Part 1) - [link]
Chapter 9 (Part 2) - [link]
Chapter 10 - [link]
Chapter 11 - [link]
Chapter 12 - [link]
Chapter 13 (Part 1) - [link]
Chapter 13 (Part 2) - [link]
Chapter 14 - [link]

Chapter 16 (Part 1) - [link]
Chapter 16 (Part 2) - [link]

Sketches of Characters - [link]

Map of Mecchen House - [link]


PS -
And I chose to leave off the part of Sumi's song that Kelly/Arisu heard. Here's what I had (since it did take a while to write, but I decided to leave it off this time.

If you want me, you have to say pretty please. I’m a lady, not a tease; What you want, I’ll hold you near, till you’re begging in my ear; Your mouth waters, your face is red, you’re so soft in my bed; Your sweet hand trembles, your head rises back, you’re such a lovely snack; Your body, so warm to cup, my hand will hold you up...
© 2009 - 2024 majorkerina
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tomjhyde's avatar
:star::star::star::star::star: Overall
:star::star::star::star::star: Vision
:star::star::star::star::star: Originality
:star::star::star::star::star: Technique
:star::star::star::star::star: Impact

When the final change occurred, it caught me by surprise. We all knew this was coming, but you didn’t spent a lot of time on it. You acknowledged it and moved past it. You didn’t spend the time to describe sensations, only a shiver and then it was done. And considering how it’s moved up to this point, it seems almost anticlimactic.

But in the end, it’s not. Because them transforming into girls isn’t the point of the story. It’s their transformation into different people, which is something that happens throughout every moment of every day. You are never the same person at night as you were that morning. Because life happens and life will change you. The physical transformation is simply a catalyst to the far deeper and more profound changes happening within the mind and within the souls.

And that’s what your story is really about.

I want to say something about Kelly’s experience after his change into a her. It comes across as quite the narration and we don’t get too much emotional involvement until he finally bursts into giggles. It’s hard to tell what he’s actually feeling about it, though we know what he’s thinking. I’d like to imagine him as happy. The short little scene with his mom was wonderful and the care of Ms. Ishida was beautiful too.

Kelly’s comments about seeing Jamie and Nathan as on the other side made me feel somewhat sad though. I’ve always dreamed there wasn’t that much of a barrier between males and females. And to have that barrier there between three friends is a painful thing.

And the little shock about seeing Jamie as an incomplete work and Kelly would make him right startled me greatly.

Sometimes I feel rather foolish with the ‘stream-of-consciousness’ style of critiquing I’m using. I make comments about Carolyn and she shows up. I comment on the strange behavior on the air and we get breezy spirits attacking Ami. And then I mention Sumi and Reiko and guess what…here they are, performing for the reader. We even get to play with the kitty for a little bit. You manage to answer ever single one of my questions a moment after I ask them. Impressive.

Only one more transformation is left and Kelly is barreling toward a final confrontation with the force attacking Ami and the creature I suspect is behind all of this madness. So much rides on the next chapter that I can barely stop myself from running to the next link. Nathan’s found what he’s looking for by becoming what his mother wanted so badly and also found a purpose as well. Kelly’s found some comfort in the changes forced upon him and built a new connection between herself and Jamie. And now, it’s time to see what lurks in the shadows.

-Nice transition between the two chapters about being alone.
-Playing with the cherry scent, hm? I’m wondering if you made that comment about Kelly’s legs having the scent of cherries earlier just so you could have Sumi making this pun. ^^
-What is in the disaster area of Ami’s room that has such a terrible hold on her, and how does it relate to what else is happening around this house?
-Need to add a space between the two paragraphs when Kelly goes to see Nana and tells her breakfast is ready.
-Great little back and forth between Miki and Katsumi.
-Twice Katsumi uses the ‘machine’ comment about their transformations. As if it were a something being edited and she asks where the art is in the transformation. I’m seeing something here…
-Ohhh, now I feel terrible for Katsumi when Mami pops that box out and shows everyone. That’s just rough.
-I smiled when Kelly imagined himself in the cute little nightshirt.
-I also enjoyed Ami and Katsumi’s argument. I don’t see real hatred here, but I think Katsumi’s honestly terrified of what’s happening here. Sometimes it’s a scary thing to see your dreams come true. And despite everything, I don’t think she wishes them harm at all. She doesn’t know what to do, so she simply falls back upon her bravado.
-Tara giving off a warm glow? Yeah, I don’t see that as just her wide eyes. First time, okay, we’ll let it slide. Second time, don’t think so.
-We’ve begun the story with Katsumi’s proclamations and we’re beginning to wrap the story to her proclamations. That line alone let’s me know we’re on the home stretch.
-Kelly’s comments to Nathan was lovely. Just like her mother. Now stop making me cry!
-And then I cursed at Miki’s comment about Ami and the weird vibe.